Callas Speaks to the Missing

in dreams my ears are full of the padding of paws
nail-click fur-ruffle eye-shine
recalling to me this: a pair of yellow eyes
extinguished, staring open at the sky
a pair of yellow eyes defeated in victory
and the breath of her mother on my neck

now I know the gift I have to offer
is always ending
is always finality
and the tears of the bereaved
and the wails of wives and mothers and daughters and sons
and the hard cold place where I lead them
and let them go

in my dreams my lovers always die
in my dreams I hold my father's heart in my hand

in my dreams
the heavy iron orb is my heart
and it beats beneath my ribs sullenly

in my dreams I wander with the consequences
of my desire, dance with the corpses of old aspirations,
see each face once again, perfect as the day it died

and I am always kneeling beside the body of the one who did not follow
always closing his open eyes always laying my hand on his still chest
and weeping: I never learned your lessons well enough,
never learned how to return life once it has left
never learned to love so generously
I cannot do without you

But I wake.
Of course I can do without you.
Of course I can go about my daily business
this freeing of souls
this collecting of spirits like fireflies
without you.

In my chest the hard iron orb twists.
Reminding me each day of what I may become.